The Old Shed.
Another revision.I see the sheds still here, its windows blindwith cataracts of web and dirt. The doorstill opens crookedly and here, behindit, laps a tongue of sunlight, where the floorhas lifted....
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A wee bit o' polish to shine, eh? Ah lass, it needs a head transplant, a new gut and another bum. Other to that, just a bit 'o polish will be fine.What was I thinking? Must be out of practice! I...
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Kathy, I can't tell you how pleased I am that your muse has returned. She's been a long time coming, huh?I didn't see the original version you posted but I sure like this one. Yes, wonderful metaphor;...
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Hi Mary, yes, I'm happy that I am still wringing something out of the dry husk of me. Let's hope it continues, however difficult it may be. Blimmin' embarrasing to make blunders in public though. Oh...
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Yeah, I got that truth bubbles up in the unlikeliest place -- from deep within. Over, under, around, ahead, behind, through -- doesn't matter which direction we approach, it's simply getting into the...
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Especially under all the stuff that we accumulate. Clear that away, get a fresh look at things, and sometimes there's a surprise. Something simple that you may have known about, but didn't see for...
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Dear Kathy, I see the sheds still here, its windows blindwith cataracts of web and dirt. Its door[hangs](still) open(s) crookedly, and here behind{gives a better flow and an iambic start - just but...
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Oh Jax, you've taken a lot of trouble here to help me to save this poor thing. Thank you. I'll attend to it now. Now, where's that other bum?
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See Kathy...all it ever needed was just a little polish to really shine....I think Jax's little tweaks prove that. Don't you see you've penned a prize?Sue******************"To have great poetry there...
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An unlikely tongue kiss! Ha ha ha ha ! Blekk, dusty. Jax, I just went in and put all your suggestions in place. Normally I wouldn't do that. Guess I'm a bit rattled, eh? Oh well, such is life. Better...
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Kathy, I wish you'd leave the various incarnations in place for comparison as you go. The revision process is a good teaching tool for all of us, y'know. -M.(Yes, letting go of our illusions of...
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I'll second Mary's request. I don't always like leaving my mistakes up there, but it's confusing to read comments on drafts that have been removed.This is well done - I like the "roots of truth" that...
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No Rosa, you are right on the money. That's pleasing. Sorry folks. I realised just now that I should have left the original there for comparison. I will put it back again. I was just so embarrassed...
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Hey, Kathleen.Not too much to say today. I think you've done well with this. It's not as powerful or consistently powerful as your last sonnet but there are some fine passages.Goodstuff,Daniel.
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Thank you Daniel. Honesty is always best, for me. I sort of saved it, didn't I? Not my best, but then, people are all different too; weaker or stronger depending on viewpoint. Thanks for looking in.
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Hey, Kathleen. You may have got me wrong....I think you did a great job on this. People always differ in how things affect them and not every sonnet or theme allows you to reach the same heights or...
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Kathy...This sure strikes a note with me...saving it was not the issue IMO...just buffing to a shine and you have certainly accomplished that.I like the revised ...what could hide beneath the...
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Thanks, you two. It's better than it was, and that's for sure, thanks to my SC friends.Maybe it might even grow a tail....-devil of a thing, it was-
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Hello Kathy:I just tuned in. I read your original and revisions. I really enjoyed seeing how you worked this sonnet. It is neat to see the craft in action.I've got to turn off now as lightning is at...
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Yep. One of the most helpful things I've learned is that poems need a lot of work in order to shine. I used to think that some people were just 'good at it,' and could crank out a sonnet in a few...
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